The Birth Parents - Akins Interesting Tale

One of the things in the books I have been reading that is very consistent is to begin talking about the things that have caused the pain and thus the need for control as early as possible. The notion that a child needs to be old enough to understand is gone and studies have shown that kids do better with addressing the truth as it is not talking about what has happened that hurts them but what happened that already hurt them. Let's face it they know what happened it happened to them. My challenge has been I am finding opening conversations with a three year old complicated and compounding the matter is the very little information I have about him and his birth parents. Tonight an opportunity presented itself and so this is what came out.

Akins: Mommy you like green?
Mommy: Yes
Akins: Mommy you like yellow?
Mommy: I like all colors. I used to not like orange when I was a girl but I like orange now.
Akins: Why you not like orange?
Mommy: Well, because when I was a girl my daddy was being kind of bad and we lived in a house with orange carpet and I was mad a lot during that time and I think I blamed the orange carpet because I was mad at my daddy, but I'm not mad at my daddy anymore so now I like orange.
Akins: Your daddy dead?
Mommy: Yes
Akins: Why he dead?
Mommy: He got sick from something called lung cancer.
Akins: How he get sick?
Mommy: Well, he smoked a whole lot for a long time.
Akins: My cousins Mommy smoked somethings.
Mommy: Yes Amanda smokes. She needs to stop soon huh? (Amanda hint hint!)
Mommy: Do you remember your daddy?
Akins: I had two daddies
Mommy: You did? Was one the important man?
Akins: Yes, he go away but then he came back - my first daddy go away. The important man used to light a stick on fire and put it on people's head.
Mommy: Now why would he do that?
Akins: Because all the people are bad.
Mommy: What about your mommy - your first mommy in Africa? What happened to her?
Akins: She died (very matter of fact)
Lorea: Did someone tell you she died?
Akins: No.
Mommy: How do you know she died? Did you see her die?
Akins: Ahh yeah. She died on the grass.

Up to this point the story easily supports everything I do know which is so very little. Akins was found wandering alone in the streets of Paynesville a small town outside of Monrovia, by a woman who took him to the police. The police took him to an orphanage but it was a girls home so after 30 days they returned him to the police. The police man Joseph Sagbe who went by the name of Junior took him home with him for another month. After the month went by and he could not find Akins mother he took him to the AFAA orphanage house. Occasionally, he would come to the AFFA house to check on "Junior" the name they gave him in honor of the important man.

Akins: My Mommy died on the grass and the big bird came and took her away.
Mommy: Do you miss her?
Akins: No. (Now he suddenly wants to change the subject and begins pretending to read the TV Guide).
Mommy: You know it would be okay if you felt sad or angry because you missed your Mommy. I would understand that and it would not make me mad.


After a quick glance at my face and eyes he was back into play mode - conversation ended. It's a good first start on what will inevitably be a tough topic going forward and he was so clear.