More on Attachment Disorder

People who follow this blog have offered support and kind words. Others have expressed their deep interest in attachment issues, and some have thanked me for my candor on my feelings and Akins behaviors. Some have asked why. In an effort to address that question let me just say that this is Akins life story as I understand it and where attachment is concerned (as understand it) the more truths and knowns we share with him the more likely he is to heal from any hurt he suffered during those first three years of his life. That said I will continue to share as I learn so that one day he can understand the "journey" he has taken.

The other night I was reading as I do every night since I got a little wiser and realized I needed to get educated and fast. I wait for everyone to settle in and then I read. I am approaching the close of my second book on the attachment topic. On this particular night, I was feeling helpless, despite beginning to feel a bit enlightened as each page turned. I got to Chapter 8 Page 119 (a page I may need to re-read many times over) in a book called Big Steps for Little People - Parenting your Adopted Child. I read the following: em>>"By now your child is starting to settle. You have kept all of your promises to her and as a way of cementing your relationship have frequently brought this to her attention. She is fed and looked after each day and you are consistently meeting her needs. She has a good sense of what being a part of this family means. She is opening up to you and unconsciously beginning to recognize that she needs you. On the one hand she enjoys being with you and loves her new life, and on the other she is bombarding you with bad behaviour. Any honeymoon period you had is well and truly over. So if you have reached this stage of the process and are tearing your hair out. CONGRATULATIONS! You have created a safe environment for her to express her inner turmoil. She doesn't know it yet and wouldn't admit it if she did, but she is beginning to trust you". As I wept I read this page over and over again. I had known this instinctively and had even stated it but was never certain of it. I know we have a long road ahead. I have questions about how to deal with the unknowns around Akins birth parents that so far the books have not addressed. I know the other families are struggling with many of the same issues. I will not go into those specifics as they are not my story to share nor do they pertain to Akins story but as I read I think oh I need to share this page with X as they just dealt with this the other day. I am grateful for the friends I have met through this journey as at times I am quite certain they are the only ones who truly understand.